04 December, 2009

Wine-Appreciation Tips | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Wine-Appreciation Tips | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

For those in need of "wine humour" click above link or just read on:

Most wine experts frown upon serving a peignoir with white meat. This is primarily because a peignoir is a type of lingerie.

In Europe, wines are named according to the region from which they come. Among the most popular are wines from the Bordeaux region of France and the Night Train region of Italy.

When dining with friends at a restaurant, order the second-least expensive wine on the list. If on a date, order the fourth-least expensive.

If you are uncertain whether to select a merlot or beaujolais for a spring breast-of-lamb garden dinner, avoid making a decision until we come down to beat the living crap out of you.

Many liquor stores offer a "Try Before You Buy" program, whether they know it or not.

When sipping wine at a Catholic eucharist, swallow quickly, before the wine undergoes the miracle of transubstantiation and you get the unpleasant taste of a mouthful of human blood.

Distinctly fruity overtones are the mark of a good sommelier.

The quality of a wine is inversely proportional to the viciousness of the animal depicted on the label.

Aw, man, once in high school, my friends and I got totally ripped on this wine Eric's older brother bought for us. I don't remember the name, but it was all pineapple-flavored. That was the night we got kicked out of Arby's.

The proper glass is crucial to wine enjoyment. Before pouring wine, thoroughly rinse out the remnants of your cherry Icee.

When throwing a tasting party, never serve more than one category of wine. [This tip courtesy of The Guide To Sucking Every Bit Of Joy And Spontaneity Out Of Living.]


winesleuth said...

While the Night Train region of Italy has gained in popularity recently, one shouldn't overlook the Cold Duck AOC of Corsica.

Anthony said...

The Onion rocks! My favorite is the 4th one. :D Thanks for the laugh.